The Motherhood Divide | MyInnerB

Welp, its almost time for me to take my buns back to work ? in exactly one week to be exact.

I promise four months didn?t go by this fast when I was pregnant and waiting on him to get here.

Oh how time flies....

As the countdown has begun, the last couple weeks have been fairly emotional for me.? I really love being at home with both of my children.? The ability to see my daughter off to and from school and being the main person in my sons life in these formative times really brings me joy.

My daughter is fast approaching those pre-teen years (unbelievable but true) and I can say that by being at home I feel way more connected.? There is still work and progress to made on our mother daughter relationship, but I feel like being here does make a difference for her.? Her days prior to me being home were?rushed and hurried by default because that is the way my schedule was.? Waking up early and really having to make an effort to pack it all into the day.? Now that I am home, she gets way more rest, has the ability to take her time getting ready for school and she gets to come straight home as opposed to the detour to a childcare center or provider to fill the gap between the time school lets out and the time it takes for?one of us?to make it to pick her up after battling traffic and a long work day.

The baby has the opportunity to be at home with one of?his parents?and we get the benefit of not having to worry about him or missing his many ?firsts? to come.? I am able to nurse him on demand and further that connection as opposed to hooking up to a machine and having it extract his meals for someone else to give him throughout the day.

In these times, a double income home is almost required, but the dichotomy between motherhood and career is a struggle for many women.? How do we provide our children with the best lives ? not material things, but the best lives and still have a fulfilling sense of identity outside of mother and wife.??Many feel the need to work in order to provide the needs of?our children,?but?still want to be there for them at all times without worrying about the number of sick days remaining?and if someone will be sitting in our seats because we have little ones that NEED us.

I totally envy those individuals that are able to maintain and balance a career, especially if it is one they love, and the ability to be home with their family; be it that they work alternate schedules with their spouse to ensure that one person is always there, or because they are self employed and have the luxury of taking their child along with them or only leaving them for short periods throughout the day.

This is not a post saying that I want to quit but I can?t.??I know that if I truly wanted to stay home, my husband would stand by that decision 100 percent; heck truth be told I know that he?would even prefer it that way.? But I actually WANT to work ? to have the adult interaction, the earning power, put my degree?s I worked so hard for to use.? The part that I struggle with is that I have to leave my family for 50+ hours per week to do it, when you factor in commuting.

So today as we are starting our ?trial run? of our new routine I am in a emotionally sensitive state;?one that feels new and scary and overwhelming.? I?ve done this before, and while it?s different, like all other things with this new child experience, I feel like this is my very first time.? I know that we will all adjust and lord willing be fine, but the newness of it all has my mind going ziggity boo.? A part of me is excited to get out and back to? what I knew as normal ? adult interaction, alone time, structure; the other part wants to stay put and continue being home and available to my hubby and kids.

One thing I know for sure is the Lord has kept me and my family this far, this will be no different, but I am just not ready to leave home.

Pray for me yall!

Be blessed,

Source: http://pinklilliesandbg.com/the-motherhood-divide/

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